Posted in Relationships, Uncategorized

His Perspective.

Hi guys,

Hope ye are all having a great weekend. Last week, I spoke about my pregnancy journey. This week, based on your response to the poll on my  instagram, I thought it was only fair to give my husband the chance to share his perspective- it takes two to tango and all that. So, let’s get to it.

Do you remember how I broke the pregnancy news? You sent me a text saying ‘I took a pregnancy test’ but you didn’t give me the results. Even though I knew the results from your reaction, I literally had to ask you what the results were before you told me.

When you found out I was pregnant, how did you react? I wasn’t shocked because we weren’t preventing it. I was happy and felt very blessed because it is a blessing that Allah has given us. However, I was slightly worried about you and the impact it might have on you. 

Do you wish you did anything before we got pregnant? I wish I read more and maybe even spoke to more people in order to have a better understanding. I was told that it can be a difficult time but it is do-able. I will be honest and say that I didn’t see pregnancy being that difficult. I don’t really know how much I could have prepared. However, people have different experiences and I feel the best learning is on the job. 

 

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Hubby telling our baby to behave

 

What was your role during our pregnancy journey? For us, things changed very quickly. We went from being newlyweds to being pregnant in no time. I had to do more heavy-lifting because of the physical strain pregnancy had on you. I had to be pro-active.  I had to make sure that I was supporting you even with the basic things. During the first 6 months of the pregnancy, you were in the U.K finishing your postgrad and I was in Ireland. During those months, we communicated mostly through the phone and I only saw you every second weekend. I could feel the impact it was having on you physically, but I didn’t really know how to support you. However, I felt that I could only try to calm you down emotionally. When I did get to see you, I felt very guilty as I could see clearly what you were going through. Psychologically, I felt it was my responsibility to support, encourage and motivate you. I would encourage all men to make sure to continue to emphasise positivity and to STEP UP.  I ensured that I carried all the household responsibilities and to provide emotional support. I observed your emotions and tried to act accordingly.

P.S I think it is also important that women remember that pregnancy is also a learning curve for the man and although we can’t understand what you are going through, you shouldn’t expect the perfect man. 

How did you deal with my reaction to being pregnant, especially during my first trimester? I felt quite sad that it was having such a major impact on your studies and state of mind.  I made sure to tread carefully because it was an emotional rollercoaster for you. I had to be observant and I knew I couldn’t completely understand what you were going through. I observed your reactions and my response was to try to be as compassionate as I possibly could and tried to look after your needs. 

Before I got pregnant, do you think you had an idea of what pregnancy should be like? Fortunately or unfortunately, until you got pregnant, I had only seen people that had “easy” pregnancies; women who didn’t seem to be affected by their pregnancies. So, I didn’t have a fair idea of what could happen or how it could impact the woman. Regardless, I still think the best learning is done on the job. 

How did you deal with my emotions and mood swings? I didn’t think you were too moody. I never felt angry or impatient because I felt that Allah does not burden a soul with more than they can handle. I think patience really helped. Also, your apologies helped. You always apologised when you felt you had been a little too moody. 

Do you have any advice for expecting fathers to help support their wives through pregnancy?  I think it’s important to be attentive and listen to your wife’s feelings and you should try not to take anything personal during that period. Do your very best to support her in every way possible. Also, it is important to note that your way of helping isn’t necessarily what she needs. Listen to her needs but not all her cravings :P. 

I hope you enjoyed this mini interview 🙂 If you have any other questions that you would like us to answer, please leave them in the comment sections and we will try to answer them.

Till next time

-A

 

 

Posted in Motherhood

My journey…

The journey ended over three months ago, THANK GOD!!! Just in case you’re wondering, I do NOT miss being pregnant.

I was one of those people who planned on being very active while pregnant. I had always been into fitness and planned to continue while pregnant.  My mum had told me plenty of stories about all of her four pregnancies (she had very difficult pregnancies), so I felt very well prepared for the worst. But, nothing could have prepared me for this emotional journey into motherhood. Just like childbirth, it is one of those things you have to go through in order to completely understand. However, I will try my very best to explain as honestly as I can. In order to make things easier, I will break the journey down into trimesters.

My first trimester was awwwwwwful! I had every symptom possible. As I said in my previous post, I decided to take a pregnancy test because I was feeling quite ill. I wasn’t really expecting a positive result (call it naivety) but I wanted to rule it out. However, as you all know, it was very much positive. My first trimester brought serious morning sickness. To be clear, morning sickness is NOT the same as vomiting. For me, It was vomiting with heartburn/throat burn while trying to keep my intestines where they should be as well as keeping my body from releasing fluids in other areas. It can happen anywhere at anytime. Then, came extreme weakness. Regular tasks such as walking and standing became extremely difficult. I had to teach while seated. My postgrad needed me to be as active and as enthusiastic as possible (primary teachers spend most of the day on their feet). Unfortunately for me, I lacked both of these while pregnant – imagine trying to teach P.E  while seated. The inability to be physically active impacted me emotionally. I just couldn’t understand what was happening to me. I felt betrayed by my own body. I wasn’t heavy, I wasn’t even showing (no bump) physically. My inability to do regular day to day things just did not make sense. There was no logical reason for the way my body was acting. Whatever was inside of my stomach was ruining my plans, I felt. My weakness was affecting my work. My mentors didn’t think I’d make it through the course. Most importantly, I couldn’t see myself finishing the course successfully. I couldn’t connect the dots and consequently couldn’t connect with the child inside of me. This lack of connection worsened things for me. I had always looked forward to having children, I didn’t expect to feel the way I felt. My attitude towards my unborn child worried me. I was a mess…. No one could have prepared me for this.

 

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Eight months pregnant 🙂

 

Fortunately, my first scan changed a lot for me emotionally. Although, still pretty upset about the way things were going with my course, seeing the picture of my little human made it a lot easier to understand my situation. I was so overwhelmed, I cried. During that brief moment, things started to make sense. In that moment, there was a change of perspective. I was carrying a human being. A human being that already knew how to wave.

My second trimester came with a huge appetite. I was always hungry. I ate almost every hour or two and If I didn’t eat on time, my body would literally collapse. The hunger was real! My morning sickness reduced and I started to slightly regain my energy. Things with my course still weren’t as I’d have liked due to my lack of energy. My daily routine went as thus; wake up, go to work- try to get through the day by eating snacks every chance I got, worked through lunch so I didn’t have to stay too long after school just so I could run home to eat, sleep, wake up to do more work and then sleep again.

Things settled down during my third trimester. Although my morning sickness returned, it was not as aggressive as my first trimester. According to the doctor, my food was coming back up because there was no room in my stomach. I managed to finish the practical part of my course during this trimester. I had good days and bad days. I had a deferred assignment which I managed to write during this trimester.  Funnily enough, I received the result of the assignment on the day I had my baby- I had failed. As you can imagine, I was heartbroken. I felt like my whole year had gone to waste and I had nothing to show for it. I cried. It took me a good couple of minutes, but I realised with the help of my mother that I had a little girl in my arms- my little girl. I was healthy and so was my baby. That was more important than anything else. I had plenty to show for the year. It was a matter of importance; my baby or my postgrad.

I have heard of people that have had “easy” pregnancies. Mine just wasn’t one of those. It was emotionally draining for me. Although it was a difficult journey, I feel very blessed to have been given the opportunity to carry a child into this world. Nothing can compare to it. My baby brings nothing but joy and happiness to my life. And sleep deprivation.

Major shout out to my husband for being so understanding. I do not know how he kept his cool through my mood swings.

P.S I repeated the assignment and I am awaiting results- pray for me 🙂

Till next time

-A

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized

M.I.A

Hi guys,

It’s been such a loooooong time. My last post was written in January and it is now September :o.  I am truly sorry for my lack of content but I assure you that I have good reasons which I plan to touch on briefly in this post.

Life has been sooo busy. As ye know, I got married late last year. My Nikkah (Islamic wedding) took place during my two weeks Christmas break from uni. The first week was spent getting last minute things for the wedding. The second week was spent with my husband, and then it was straight back to uni :(.

 

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After my nikkah, I went straight back into the bubble that was my postgrad.  I was wrecked but I was happy. I presumed my tiredness was due to the fact that I hadn’t gotten a proper rest break. The fatigue persisted and seemed to worsen.  I remember being so tired that I could barely hold the phone to my ear. Something was wrong-  I was/am pregnant!!!

Pregnancy coupled with my postgrad gave me little time to do anything else.  Pregnancy came with a whole lot of changes that I was NOT prepared for. There were so many changes, I’d need to dedicate a separate post to it (I plan to in the near future). My course increased in intensity and so did my symptoms.  It sounds like a lame excuse but I assure you that it is not. Anyway, I am back and hoping to be a lot more consistent from now on.

Thanking you so much for your patience and support 🙂

Till next time

-A

Posted in Empowerment, Religion

2016!!!

Bear in mind that if all the people combined together to grant you some benefit, they would not be able to do it unless Allah has determined it for you. And that if all of them combined together to do you harm, they would not be able to do it unless Allah has determined it for you. The pens have been set aside and writing of the Book of Fate have become dry.” [Tirmidhi]

If anyone told me that I’d get married in 2016, I would have literally said “LIES”. Having just called off an engagement that year, getting married in that same year just wasn’t a thought that I entertained.

2016 was a rollercoaster of a year for me. It started off great. I had just moved to a new place which I was really happy with. I was planning  ‘my dream wedding’ which was to be held that December. I was picking flowers, bridesmaids, colours, styles. The biggest worry I had was finding a venue big enough for all my 300+ guests.

rollercoaster

Fast forward to a couple of months later, I painfully realised that the wedding I had spent all that time planning was not one that I wanted. So, I called it off. With that, came several different emotions. The most prominent being pain. I felt pain like I had never felt before. With pain, came loneliness. No matter how much everyone tried, no one completely understood how I was feeling.

Then, came Ramadhan. The month included in-depth discussions with the only being who I felt understood how I was feeling. Every day I had a list. A list of things that I wanted to discuss. He (God) became my best friend. I wasn’t so upset anymore. I started to actually laugh. Not pretend to laugh. I made peace with the whole situation. It was now in the past.

I was back to my old self. I prayed to God and asked him to give me whatever He thought was best for me. I entertained the idea of getting married at some point. There was no rush. Maybe 2017. Maybe 2018. But definitely not 2016. That’d be ridiculous!

A couple of months later, I was planning my dream wedding with a man that I was 100% sure about. No second thoughts. No circus. No bridesmaids (sorry girls). Just our family, close friends and God. I was the happiest I had ever been. And all the pain that came with 2016 almost became irrelevant. I got married in December 2016, to the man that was meant for me.

But if anyone had told me I’d be married in 2016, I’d have said ‘Lies’.

So, what did I learn? I learnt…

  • We plan but He plans best.
  • What it really means to have faith.
  • What’s yours won’t pass you by.
  • There is light at the end of the tunnel.
  • Always listen to yourself.
  • When one door closes, another one opens.

I made plans to get married in December. Then, I was like ‘nah, this doesn’t feel right’, so  I cancelled it. I took a leap of faith, knowing there would be consequences, but not knowing what was ahead of me. Then, God was like ‘here you go, this one is yours’. So, I was like ‘alright then’.

Thanking God for 2016, I walked into 2017 a married woman.

Till next time

-A

Posted in Empowerment

Different paths…

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.  

Hi everybody,

Today, I decided to talk about our different paths in life. I recently visited a friend who just had a baby. During my visit, she showed me pictures of her son. Naturally, I started to show her pictures of my babies (my goddaughter and her sister) too. Well, they’re my friend’s kids, but the same thing, right? It was a battle of cuteness “your son is gorgeous, but check out these beauties”. As I showed off my kids, I mentioned that I had a lot of babies around me and I felt like I needed to start playing catch-up. I was joking, but the comment led to my friend enquiring about the family I had just shown her.

The two kids I showed her belonged to a dear friend of mine. We went to secondary school together. My friend is now 23. She fell pregnant with her first daughter at the age of 19 and fell pregnant again at 22 with her second daughter. So, she is a mother to two beautiful girls at quite a young age. I, on the other hand, like a lot of other people in our year group either went on to college or to do something other than having babies. Most people from our year have now graduated and are either in jobs, looking for jobs or doing a postgrad.

So, why am I telling you this? I’m telling you this because I think it is important that we realise that people take different paths in life. The steps that we take carry us on certain paths. Sometimes, we take the wrong steps due to various reasons. My friend didn’t plan on getting pregnant at 19, but she did. She took a step that brought her on a different path than she wanted at the time. But she didn’t let that stop her. She went back to school, worked for what she wanted and now been offered a place in College.

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Not saying that getting pregnant at 19 is a bad decision. However, for my friend college was a goal that she wanted to achieve and getting pregnant at that time got in the way of that. She took a path that brought her on a different route, but she re-routed as soon as she could. Everybody has different goals. It could be that you wanted a career in teaching, but for some reason or another, you didn’t get the points required for it. So, you had to take a different route. Perhaps,  you needed to do an add-on course in order to acquire more points before going in to do the degree, while others had gotten in straight away. Maybe like my friend you had your children first before your studies, or you had to repeat a year. It could be repeating your leaving certificate or a year in a university .It all doesn’t matter as long as you continue to push to get to where you want to be. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. It doesn’t make anyone else better you. In fact, I find that these situations can sometimes bring out the strength in a person. Generally, this is because it’s harder to get back on track. I am very proud of my friend today. She’s the epitome of strength. She has two amazing children and is soon to have a degree.

We all have an idea of what we want our lives to be like. If you feel like you’re not on the track that you would like to be or the path you’re on is not going to get you to your desired destination, please realise that it’s never too late to do something about it. Whatever your destination is, do not give up on getting there because of a misstep or two. It’s very easy to get comfortable in whatever situation that you find yourself in. Don’t settle for mediocre. Don’t live your life regretting about things that you could have done. Like I said, it’s never too late. It will most likely be difficult. It will take a lot of commitment, strength and a lot of those other good things. But you can do it! Remember that nothing good comes easy.

For those that are blessed enough to be happy on the path that they’re on, please do not make anyone feel any less of a person because of the decisions that they made either intentionally or unintentionally. Especially when these individuals are working hard to correct those decisions. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it.

Till next time

-A