Posted in Relationships

SOMETIMES, CHANGE IS GOOD

Yesterday, TWO of my wisdom teeth were removed. I wasn’t going to write about it as I knew I’d only be whining. However, my trip to get my teeth removed helped me realise a couple of things. Firstly, I realised that I would have to give up my beloved chicken for a couple of days (Sad momentsL). Secondly, I became aware of the fact that my relationship with my mum had changed considerably.

Mum and I had decided to drive up to Cork for my dental appointment, as we didn’t think getting the bus after getting your teeth pulled out would be much fun. While we drove up, mum asked me again what I planned to do after college. In the past, we had talked about my plan to definitely move to England, but when it came to talking about a masters programme, I had always found a way to change the subject. This time, I couldn’t avoid it as I was stuck in a car with her for the next two hours. So, I told her what my plans were. “I’m not pushed to go into another couple of years of study, blah blah blah… and I definitely do not want to go into clinical psychology.” I made sure not to look at her as I said it, as I was worried her facial expression might change my mind. She was silent for a split moment and then she asked what my reasons were, and I explained. She basically then said to do what makes me happy (within reason, of course) and “Life is too short.” The relief I felt in that moment is indescribable. As much as I wanted to do what was best for me, I really didn’t want to let her down. So, her seal of approval was somewhat important.

In that moment, I realised how much my relationship with my mum had changed drastically and I couldn’t help but smile. Our relationship had grown from just a mother-daughter relationship, to a friendship that I have come to cherish. She now talks to me as an adult and requests my opinions on both important, and unimportant matters. I realised that I didn’t have a reason to be worried about telling her about my plans. I just needed to open up to her and let her be a friend; let her be there for me. That’s all she ever wanted, anyway. My mum used to always say “My children are my best friends.” But I never truly believed it until yesterday.

Looking back, I remember when we knocked heads over everything. There is one situation I will never forget. My mum and I had just had another one of our arguments when a guest came in and literally said ‘Are you guys fighting?’ My mum and I were sitting on different sides of the living room and were saying nothing to each other, but the guest could sense the iciness between us (that’s how bad it was). Nowadays, you’ll generally find my mum in my room, filling me in on her day and asking about mine, generally gossiping. Sometimes, I actually have to kick her out because I have so much to do. When I’m studying, she brings me a cup of tea, which is basically her excuse to have ‘the chats’before I kick her out again. When she asks about college, she says ‘So, what are we going to do next year?’ We have come a long way. I’m now able to hold a conversation without using the words ‘you’re ruining my life’ and she is now able to actively listen to what I have to say. It’s quite amazing to see the growth in our relationship over the years. She’s my confidant. We still have our arguments because no relationship is perfect. However, these days they are mostly about her stealing my perfumes. I thank God for this growth and I am very happy to say that my mum is one of my best friends.

Till next time

-A

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